No Sex Please: It's Christmas!

by  Michael Parker

Full Length Play, Comedy  /  4m, 3f

"Its many twists and turns make Never Kiss a Naughty Nanny a classic farce, which is sure to bring a smile." The Citizen, Clearwater
Mr. Broadbent, a developer and builder, has created "THE HOUSE OF THE FUTURE". The house, however, has remained unsold for four years, probably because, as we see in the course of the play, most of the innovations of the future fail to work properly. He has, at last found prospective buyers, Fred and Gladys McNicoll, and invites them to stay in the house. He is determined to offload this huge "White Elephant" - by any means necessary.

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No Sex Please: It's Christmas!

by  Michael Parker

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  • Cast Size

    Cast Size

    4m, 3f
  • Duration

    Duration

    120 minutes (2 hours)
  • SubGenre

    Subgenre

    Farce
  • Accolades

    Accolades

    Not Applicable
  • Audience

    Target Audience

    • Adult
    • Senior

Additional Info

Mr. Broadbent, a developer and builder, has created "THE HOUSE OF THE FUTURE". He has filled it with gadgets such as: self lighting fire places, a self cleaning bathroom, central trash disposal units, automatic closets, hidden telephones, and his masterpiece "The Personal Ion Chamber". The house, however, has remained unsold for four years, probably because, as we see in the course of the play, most of the innovations of the future fail to work properly.

He has, at last found prospective buyers, Fred and Gladys McNicoll, and invites them to stay in the house. He is determined to offload this huge "White Elephant". He bribes two members of his staff, Casey Cody and Ben Adams, to pose as a married couple, who are renting the house. They are to extol its virtues and explain how everything works. He is pulling out all the stops. The fridge is full of expensive wine and he has hired a chef to prepare a gourmet meal. Unknown to the McNicolls', he even has his maintenance man Eddie Cott on hand to make running repairs. He thinks he has all the bases covered.

When Gladys hears Casey refer to Mr. Cott by name, the cat seems to be out of the bag, but Casey quickly recovers by saying she didn't say "Mister Cott" but "Ms Turcotte", the children's nanny. Eddie Cott now spends the rest of the play as Nanny Turcotte. A surprise visitor, Mr. Brooks, takes an almost insane fancy to "Nanny" who now has to defend 'her' honor, as well as fix the gadgets, all of which, without exception, misbehave.

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Reviews

"In this play, technology that doesn't work is just plain fun. Two hours of enjoyment and laughter." - The Seminole Beacon, Tampa

"I was laughing so much I could barely hold the camera still." - WVTV Fox 13, Tampa- St. Petersberg

"Its many twists and turns make Never Kiss a Naughty Nanny a classic farce, which is sure to bring a smile." The Citizen, Clearwater

Keywords

Business, Love, Marriage

Considerations

Performing Groups

  • Community Theatre
  • Dinner Theatre
  • Professional Theatre
  • Shoestring Budget
  • Large Stage

Cautions

  • No Special Cautions

License details

  • Minimum Fee: £55 per performance plus VAT when applicable.

Production

Details

  • Time Period: Contemporary, Present Day
  • Duration: 120 minutes (2 hours)
  • Setting: The "house of the Future"  somewhere in Wisconsin. Because no one knows what a house of the future might look like, this is probably a set designer's dream. They can create anything they feel like, but must include all of the gadgets of the futurein the script (all of which fail to function properly).
  • Additional Features: Physical Comedy
  • Features / Contains: Contemporary Costumes / Street Clothes

Music

  • Musical Style: N/A (Not a musical)

Casting

4m, 3f
BEN ADAMS - age 21-30; a real estate salesman employed by Mr. Broadbent; young, naive, likable, always confused and in trouble, but honest and sincere
MR. BROADBENT - age 50-70; very much a self-made man; blunt, rough around the edges
CASEY CODY - age 20-30; Mr. Broadbent's secretary; competent, resourceful, and quick thinking, with a wonderful sense of humor
SUE JOHNSON - age 20-25; a recent graduate of the local culinary institute; a walking, breathing, living disaster area; loveable, laughable, and endearing
MR. COTT - age 40+; the central character in the play, and he, of course is Nanny; down to earth, gruff, but very, very funny
GLADYS MCNICOLL (age 40+) - the prospective buyer of the house of the future; totally dominates her husband, and indeed all those around her; loud, aggressive, and overbearing
FRED MCNICOLL - age 40+; the hen-pecked husband of Gladys until he turns the table on Gladys at the very end of the play; Meek, mild, and good-natured,
WALTER BROOKS - age 40+; a surprise visitor; develops an almost insane infatuation for Nanny, and will not be discouraged; single minded and not very likable
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Cast Attributes

  • Ensemble cast
  • Non-Traditional casting
  • Reduced casting (Doubling Possible)
  • Drag performance
  • Expandable casting
  • Parts for Senior Actors

Casting Notes

Male roles can be expanded to 5 parts.

Resources

Scripts

More

Authors

Michael Parker

Michael Parker has been active in the theatre almost all his life. At age fourteen, in England where he was born and raised, he won the title role in a regional production of Terence Rattigan's play, The Winslow Boy, for which he received a "Best Actor of the Year" award. By age seventeen he was touring with The Nation ...

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First produced at The Early Bird Dinner Theatre, Clearwater, Florida, in November 2007.

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