Don't Hug Me, We're Married

by  Phil Olson, Paul Olson

Full Length Musical, Comedy  /  3m, 2f

Book & Lyrics by Phil Olson
Music by Paul Olson

Don't Hug Me, We’re Married
 is the fifth in the smash hit Don't Hug Me series of musical comedies. The others include Don’t Hug MeA Don’t Hug Me Christmas CarolA Don’t Hug Me County Fair and Don’t Hug Me, I’m Pregnant, also available from Samuel French! The Don’t Hug Memusicals are all stand alone musicals. You do not have to see them in any particular order to fully enjoy them.

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Don't Hug Me, We're Married

by  Phil Olson Paul Olson

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  • Cast Size

    Cast Size

    3m, 2f
  • Duration


    120 minutes (2 hours)
  • SubGenre


    Not Applicable
  • Audience

    Target Audience

    • Adult
    • Teen (Age 14 - 18)

Additional Info

Don’t Hug Me, We’re Married takes place in a small north woods bar in Bunyan Bay, Minnesota. Gunner and Clara Johnson are owners of the bar, they’ve been married “a long time,” the romance has left the marriage, and Clara would like to get it back. When Gunner finds a pamphlet that Clara was hiding for “Divorce Fantasy Camp,” he realizes he needs to do something to convince his wife he’s a good husband. At the same time, Bernice, the pretty waitress, gets engaged to Aarvid, a karaoke salesman. Gunner’s twin sister, Trigger (played by Gunner) comes to town and proposes to Kanute, the local business icon. It’s a double wedding. Will anyone get cold feet? Would someone try to derail the wedding? Will Clara go to Divorce Fantasy Camp? What could possibly go wrong? Everything. Rest assured, nothing will go as wedding-planned in Bunyan Bay.

Featuring 16 original songs including, “The Marriage Test,” “Marriage is Forever,” “Lower Expectations,” “I’m Gettin’ Hitched,”  “The Day That Bob Dylan Was Here,” “It’s All Comin’ Together” and “We’re All Gonna Die.”

Don't Hug Me, We’re Married is the fifth in the smash hit Don't Hug Me series of musical comedies. The others include Don’t Hug Me, A Don’t Hug Me Christmas Carol, A Don’t Hug Me County Fair and Don’t Hug Me, I’m Pregnant, also available from Samuel French! The Don’t Hug Me musicals are all stand alone musicals. You do not have to see them in any particular order to fully enjoy them.

Read more +



"It has it all…romance, sidesplitting comedy, great musical numbers, and just down right good fun. " -

"Its high point is entertainment with a barrel of laughs..." – B'way World

"The entire cast is SHEER COMEDIC PERFECTION… " – Tolucan Times

"…a wonderful montage of song, dance, humor…" LA Examiner


Don’t Hug Us, We’re Brothers
by Phil Olsen and Paul Olsen
April 30, 2012


Performing Groups

  • College Theatre / Student
  • Community Theatre
  • Dinner Theatre
  • Professional Theatre
  • Large Stage
  • Blackbox / Second Stage /Fringe Groups


  • Caution Mild Adult Mild Adult Themes

License details

  • Licensing fees and rental materials quoted upon application.



  • Time Period: Contemporary, Present Day, New Millennium/21st Century
  • Duration: 120 minutes (2 hours)
  • Setting: Late June at The Bunyan, a little bar in a small northern Minnesota town called Bunyan Bay.
  • Features / Contains: Contemporary Costumes / Street Clothes


  • Musical Style: Classic Broadway
  • Vocal Demands: Easy
  • Orchestra Size: Piano Only
  • Chorus Size: No Chorus


3m, 2f
CLARA JOHNSON - Gunner's wife. Co-owner of a bar called "The Bunyan," who's been married to Gunner for a long time. Likeable. Playfully sarcastic, not mean spirited. Above all, she really does love Gunner.
GUNNER JOHNSON - Clara's husband. Strong willed co-owner of The Bunyan. A north woods Archie Bunker.
BERNICE LUNDSTROM - Pretty, young, wholesome, innocent, waitress at The Bunyan. Dreams of going to Broadway.
KANUTE GUNDERSON - Oblivious, dense, harmless, full of himself business owner.
AARVID GISSELSEN SLICK - Fast-talking karaoke salesman. A north woods "Music Man."
TRIGGER JOHNSON - Gunner's twin sister. Played by Gunner. A forest ranger, Doesn't get along with Gunner. Feminine, likes to hug, the opposite of Gunner. She desperately wants to find a man.
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Cast Attributes

  • Not Applicable

Casting Notes

The role of Trigger Johnson is doubled by the same actor playing Gunner Johnson. 


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Phil Olson

Phil Olson grew up in Edina, Minnesota, home of the first indoor mall. His father’s grandparents came over from Norway and homesteaded a farm north of Fargo, North Dakota. His mother’s grandparents also came over from Norway and ended up in Virginia, Minnesota; the iron range. Mr. Olson played varsity football, basketb ...

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Paul Olson

Paul Olson

Don't Hug Me, We're Married was first produced at The Lonny Chapman Group Rep Theatre in Los Angeles, California, in October 2014. The artistic directors were Larry Eisenberg and Chris Winfield, the president was Bert Emmett, it was directed by Doug Engalla, the choreography was by Stan Mazin. 

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